Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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