His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
