Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just tell him i said nine months
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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