I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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