You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
