i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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