If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
