Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
