I'm lost and stupid without you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
