I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
