I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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