At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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