Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
