Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
