I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
