we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
