If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
