Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
