i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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