This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
