definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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