Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
