I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
