That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
