it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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