she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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