I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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