hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
