So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
