i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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