I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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