Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
