I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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