Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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