I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
