you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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