He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize