the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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