Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
