I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
