Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
