The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
