Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
