Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We talked him into tasing himself.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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