Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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