I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
