I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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