KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
