I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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