Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
