Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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