Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
